a new beginning

I have served my time, and now I have to say goodbye.

2010-08-08T02:57:00.004+08:00

Hi.

This is completely unnecessary for what it is worth but I feel like I owe this space it's deserved goodbye. I am flighter and I guess after 6 years, avid readers would know that. i change my URL frequent enough to lose my readers but now this is it.

This space has served me well, has given me lots of comfort when sometimes, the only way out is to write. In the beginning, I did it because the idea of having people read my day to day doings is great, and then I did it and publicise it a lot because i wanted the stats to increase and these days, I only write because I feel like I am obligated to.

If you are an avid reader, you would have noticed that I set my blog on private for a couple days and I blogged many many posts with my personal feelings attached. My deepest fears and my darkest secrets. And I like the fact that no one was reading it.So you see, i have changed. Initially, i blamed my life for being totally mundane, but it is not my life, it is the fire that was previously burning in me, it had dimmed. But because of this post, i removed them.

Someday, you might chance upon a new site with my life in it. But right now, this feels extremely right. I will never stop writing because I love writing, even if I have nothing to say, I write. But publicly, this is my ending.For now.

And if you are wondering what happened to me and my bf, nothing. We went through a rough patch because of me. I wanted Hafiz to be perfect and I wanted to correct the wrongs in him because I wanted my life to be better. I wanted to make real what we read in fairytales that I forgot to embrace the things he actually do have. We fight so hard to make things we don't have happen that we never appreciate what we already have.You know, sometimes, people tell you to do things, tell you what is best for you and tell you that you should never do what is wrong, but in order to learn, you've got to make mistakes.

I don't have the bestest things in life and I am okay with that. I have always been okay with that, when people teased me, i reason it out in my head and then I say it out loud, say it to people I love, because I believe that the people who makes fun of you are really actually jealous of you. (:

Lastly, thank you for the time you have spared reading my space. Thank you for the 'unknown' person who I never got to find out who for the songs. Thank you for just accepting me for whoever I am to all of you.Till we meet again.

Love,
Shafiqah

2010-08-01T22:46:00.002+08:00

People are getting overly sensitive these days. Enlighten me please.

2010-08-01T02:17:00.002+08:00

This video got me thinking real bad, the words rushed in to my head but the sentences don't fit. ):

2010-07-26T19:50:00.002+08:00

Hello World, it's been so long hasn't it? hehe Really have nothing much to say now because it really does not matter anymore.(:

It's so close to the finishing line and now and i believe that it has been an eventful year for me. If you stick with me through this, i will be eternally grateful. But if you don't i really have nothing left to say cause I have been real busy and real tired and the only thing i hope for you to do is, understand.

Good night.

2010-07-15T21:45:00.000+08:00

When we were five, they asked us what we wanted to be when we grew up. Our answers were thing like astronaut, president, or in my case… princess.When we were ten, they asked again and we answered - rock star, cowboy, or in my case, gold medalist. But now that we've grown up, they want a serious answer. Well, how 'bout this: who the hell knows?!This isn't the time to make hard and fast decisions, its time to make mistakes. Take the wrong train and get stuck somewhere chill. Fall in love - a lot. Major in philosophy 'cause there's no way to make a career out of that. Change your mind. Then change it again, because nothing is permanent.So make as many mistakes as you can. That way, someday, when they ask again what we want to be… we won't have to guess. We'll know.

-Twilight Saga : Eclipse

2010-07-15T21:22:00.002+08:00

Last minute plans are the greatest! Today treated me kindly despite the screaming i had to make in the morning over the phone at 7am. Was so pissed off but I feel better at work, after work and now that i am home. i feel truly happy today. With my month end pay, i shall get some books so i can get a head start with my revision. i know, i have yet to divulge my plans to all of you, not yet. the time is not quite right.

im in an extremely good mood today and before it run its course, i shall read a book. haven't been doing it, but have had no qualms in purchasing them continuously. very silly.

oh! by the way, i have a couple of books missing and if it's with any of you that i might have forgot to take it back from or you might have forgot to return, can you please do so? :P

good night now everybody!

2010-07-13T00:22:00.002+08:00

These are the people I terribly terribly miss right now.): I haven't seen any of them for a while now and it is all my fault. I keep wanting to, but Im always so drained by my off day that I decided not to make a plan at all. I am very sorry my dear dear friends, cause you all are so great, honestly! You have all been nothing short of supportive and i totally appreciate it. Just because some of your pictures are not you it does not mean i don't miss you, it's because i am so lazy to look through all the old folder and pick them out. Sorry again about that. ):

Here's a shout to some of you who i know still read or will be forced to read this entry:

syaf - you are still my favourite kiddo. sorry i never entertain you on msn just now i was just mad tired and feeling extremely cranky. wish to catch up soon!

ems and mards - please update that thing more often boleh? its so tiring when i type a long entry and see no reply. okla, after a few days baru ade reply but pleaseeeeee.

fahmi - even though u treat me like shit and even if you refuse to ever say nice things to me, i know that there is a soft spot in you. even ms zarina have it. the message u sent me on fb, pls do it, and i will just help to be there. heheheheh

fique, - wherever you are right now, i hope you are safe and well.):

AA and CC - i'd take one bullet in the heart for the both of you. sorry aa, i havent been u know helping u out in your assignments but works been a bitch, hope u understand ok?

&& Mr Aziz - if you are reading this, please know that you are the greatest teacher i have ever known!

i have been fantasizing about next year a lot. even if i don't get to go on a short trip away from singapore, i will make sure that i get plenty of fun in the sun, do some exploring in an isolated corner of haji lane, or even just hanging out at the library, i don't care. 2010, you have been sucky to me. 2011, i am coming with a bang in 6 months(according to my pay, i stll have 6 more to go before i can quit) time! see you okay!

and because i give up my off day tomorrow for another day to a fellow colleague, i will be working 5 days before my next off. full morning morning full morning. it will be mad tiring. so will go now. bye!

2010-07-08T23:24:00.002+08:00

There will always be somebody who wants to see you miserable, but when you show them that their opinion don't matter, they will eventually stop. We shouldn't let ourselves be affected by what people say about us because that is what they want. If we show them that we are not affected they will get mad at themselves nd that's what we are supposed to be gunning for.

I rindu my boyfriend very much. Selamat malam.

2010-07-06T00:34:00.002+08:00

These days, I get agitated way too easily. I throw my tantrums and i made sure that who ever is willing to plays the same tune as I do. I have been extremely ridiculous in my demands and i will sulk until i get it. It reminds me of the time when I was 10 and I wanted The Game Of Life as an advance birthday gift so badly but Papa refused to get it for me because it was just one of my excuse cause when my actually birthday comes, i will ask for something else. Kakak and Papa got it for me in the end but i only played it once cause it was different on a computer game! (Gosh, i was so spoilt) And as terrifying as it may seemed, i am that girl once again, the only difference being I will be 19 in about 2 months. It makes me scared but when I am overcome by that feeling of getting things go my way, there was nothing in my power to stop it. I knew it was wrong, i knew i was being stupid, i knew i could lose the one person that matters the most to me, but yet i was still willing to put him through all that pain.

There will be days when all of us feel that probably we could have done better on our own. That maybe, we were just not meant to be. That we were possibly destined for better things or better people but the timing is just not quite right. There will be some time where we yearn for that feeling of new excitement, new adventures, new people. For that incredibly nice things two strangers say to each other to break the ice. But eventually, it is the scent of what feels like home that pulls us back. It is the comfort and the assurance of safety that makes us sleep with a smile on our face at night.

Hafiz, i know how crazy I have been and i know that i have put you on a pedestal far too many times. I know that i have been more selfish than any one could ever fathom, and I am sorry. However, please know that you will always be the one I run home to. It is in your arms I will be safe in. I love you.

2010-07-03T23:11:00.002+08:00

You know how sometimes, you put yourself in a situation and you ask yourself "What would I do if I was in an accident? I would probably be alert and shield the person next to me and I would cover my face" But let me tell you, in the split second that you were put into a situation, that might or might not be life threatening, you wouldn't know what to do. Your mind immediately shuts down on you and you'll be in a complete daze.

It is extremely easy to say what you would do because when we say things like that, it is purely imagination. But when you add feelings to it, every thing changes completely. Simply put, I am glad no one was hurt.

Be safe every one!

2010-06-29T21:51:00.004+08:00

I don't know what I should do. I cannot breach the trust that was entrusted to me but I cannot keep quient and condone the shit that is going on. I cannot sit through this knowing what I know yet I cannot let any one know about this.

Been feeling super down lately. Little things get to me these days. I shed tears at every little things. This year have to fly fast, I need to go back to school and get back on track to accomplish my dreams. I want to have my own success story. The glass is half full not half empty. Be positive minded cause that is the only thing that will keep me sane.I hoped you like it boy.(:

cousins

2010-06-29T21:27:00.000+08:00

Dear Mami,
I have been meaning to post this for 3 weeks now but I have been procrastinating and I have been dealing with a lot of shits that I rather not do it at all. But I will do it today cause it's been in draft for far too long.

Kakak and I decided to have a cousins day out for the very first time with them kids. With Erika included. Everything went well, and Kakak and I spent more than we bargained for initially.

Erika is so chatty now. Haikel is more annoying but still super aadorable. Dora and Wina are becoming teenagers in 2 years and already they are, on my nerves. HAHA

Haikel says the silliest things. We were at Mac's for tea time and he suddenly said
H: I only have 1 pair of underwear. And I am wearing it now
Me: Is it? Then what ar eyou going to wear tomorrow? Or tonight?
H: Wear this one la. If not, I don't wear.
Me: Or you can wear Wina's one la Haigirl.

He is so funny. But no worries la Mami, his underwear was in the machine being washed. HAHA

Erika tries to do the twist with her little fingers and each time she needs help. Too cute.

Shasha looks all better now doesn't she? She is. I hope she will get even better, so she can run and she can jump and do what she always did before. (:

Hakim now abang2 already a bit aksyen. Hakim now mentel also mami.

Erika does not need a ticket for Shrek Forever After in 3D. She keeps referring to the boy in the picture as her boyfriend. Right rika, right.

After this picture Erika immediately fell asleep. For her nap. We force her awake before the movie. HAHAH

I enjoyed myself Mami on that day.

I wish you were here to see us through this.

Love,
Shafiqah

2010-06-29T20:53:00.002+08:00

hello, it's been so long.

2010-06-25T23:23:00.003+08:00

As we get older, we begin to realise that after some storm, there is no rainbow. We realise that not all arguments are as easily forgotten or forgiven like when we were five. We realise that not all friendships survive an adversity. We realise that our heart gets broken more often than we'd like and we realise that happy ending only happens in fairytales.

There are so many things I wish I had done differently. So many choices I wished I had made differently. So many things I wished I had done instead of letting it slip by me just like that. There is nothing I can do now that can change anything, but I am trying to make things better for myself and for my future. Good night.(:

2010-06-24T22:52:00.002+08:00

Sometimes, I laugh when I say some things only because I find a need to mask my true feelings. It is the things I say when I am laughing that you need to take seriously because those are the things that I mean from the bottom of my heart.

I know that my posts are usually repetitive because those are the things i keep feeling over and over again. But I won't start on that, in this post because I am also tired of saying the same things over and over again.

I have big plans for next year. Major plans. And these plans, they will either make me or break me. And before I start on my academic plans in February, I will go on a break. The break I truly deserve for slogging at a job I no longer love and for enduring all the hardships that I faced this year.

At times, the reason why I so seldomly blog is because my feelings are too raw and it feels too personal. And I don't like knowing that some people I dislike are reading it. Thank you every body for putting up with my very random posts, my moodswings and all else that are ugly. No matter how little and how seldom you all tag, i appreciate it when it comes. And keep it coming, if you will.

2010-06-21T22:30:00.003+08:00

17 June 2010

Sometimes, I am just infuriated by the way things have turned out. I am just mad with the world for making things so complicating for me. I am mad that some people don't even have to try to get to where they want to. I am mad that some body who just wanted to help is accused as the villain. I am just mad that it is all so unfair.

Sometimes, I want to go back to the times when every thing was so much simpler. When life was just about acing the next test or whether we know the lyrics to the latest songs. Some times, I feel the loss of some one important in my life and i'd realise that everything happens for a reason. That people will come and people will go. That nothing really lasts forever, that nothing is ever safe from getting hurt or broken. That every wall breaks and every rock crumble in the end. And that eventualy, life goes on.

Sometimes, I think of all the insults and degrading remarks that have ever come my way and it hurts. It never stopped hurting and although it never suprises me, it still hurts the same every single time. It's like putting salt on your ulcer. It hurts and then it stops, and when you reapply the salt, it hurts all over again. Although you expect them, you still get surprised by how much it can still hurt you.

Sometimes, I feel like yelling that enough is enough. That a line has got to be drawn. That there is only so much one can take before finally breaking down.Sometimes, I wish that even for just a fraction of a second, I wish that every thing could be perfect. Sometimes, I wish I can go back into the past and do things differently just because who I am today is not who I want to be.

And sometimes, we have to know that at times, the safest bet we've got is ourselves.

2010-06-16T17:12:00.002+08:00

Yesterday, I was at the kopitiam near my place and I saw Mr Soh. I waved and I refused to go over and say HI. I knew he'd ask where I am and I dont have anything to say. I was proven right when he was leaving and passed by table and asked where I am studying now. I don't know if i still have it or not.

Another 6 months left to go and I am done with work and I will say hello to school, or schools. We will see what works out best for me. If I have what it takes or if I can financially afford it on my own.

I have a few posts saved up in draft, with pictures uploaded but it lacked of words and inspiration. Someday..

2010-06-09T00:55:00.002+08:00

Boy: Look at the sky, there's no stars tonight. You want to know why?
Girl: No, don't tell me.
Boy: I will tell you anyway. Cause the star is with me tonight and will be with me always.

I love you. I will love you until the day the sun refuse to shine, or when the moon fail to come out at night. I will love you until you are old and wrinkly. I will love you even if you peed in your pants. I will love you even when nobody does. I will hold you when you are troubled and I will kiss your tears away when they come. I will make every thing better for you.

2010-06-09T00:37:00.003+08:00

Why don't we say I love you enough? Why don't we say what we really feel? Why do we have to pretend that we are happy when we are not? Why do we say things we don't mean? Why do we fight when it makes us unhappy? Why do we hate when we can love? Why do we change if it's not for the better? Why do we stay when our heart wants to go? Why do we regret when every thing is said and done? Why do we smile, when we are dying deep inside?

"Second chances don't always come by but when they do, you have to embrace it with open arms. "

2010-06-08T00:00:00.002+08:00

It's funny, really having to crack my brain for ideas, inspirations on things to blog. Remember when I was still going to school, I always have something to say, something to whine about and new pictures to share, always full of ideas. I remember always saying I have nothing to blog about but I end up typing a lenghty entry. But these days, when i say i have no idea, i really don't. Blank, my brain is so rusty really. I even suck at writing. I tried writing again, to you know sort of live the old times but i suck. I am always proud of my compos and what nots, but i actually cried when Hafiz tried to read something I wrote. I am becoming insane and I am scared of it. Hafiz says that he has to read so he can give me comments for me to improve. Ya right, he will be the last person I would go to to give me critics lor. HAHAH.

I will blog again, real soon. About the cousins day out last week. I have been meaning to resize the pictures but i have been procrastinating and with Edora, Haikel and Erika being here for a couple of weeks, I am pretty much occupied. It is 1 am now, and i wanted to blog since 11pm but i didn't have any ideas, so I went to play with my cousins and now every part of my body hurts. My back my face and my arm. And I am on full shift tml yo.My next off day is Saturday. *groans* Btw, I want to look for a new job. Any reccomendations? I don't want telemarketing or anything of that sort, please eh.

I will be back, love. Goodnight for now.

2010-06-07T03:32:00.002+08:00

My head feels so heavy. Like it is drowning in a pool of water and every thing inside my head is trying to stay afloat, grasping for air and clinging on to every bit of hope. My head has been hurting so badly the past few days, it feels heavy, like i had a rock in it. It sucks.

it is still hurting.. i better go to bed now.

2010-06-02T01:25:00.002+08:00

The other day, I took a sick leave from work. My first. It was genuine pain and I suppose i have been super cranky lately. Been blowing my top way too often and the last straw came when Awin pissed me off after a tiring day.

I really have nothing to say here anymore. The cyber world is boring me actually. I have no desire, no deep passion. No nothing.

What is there that i can say that i have not said?

2010-05-28T09:23:00.002+08:00

Don't you sometimes feel like giving up? Feel like throwing everything you have worked for just because you just couldn't take it anymore? Like it is not in you to face all the shits that is happening? I am tired of getting pissed over the same thing over and over again. I am tired of trying to make people understand that it is rude to use some elses belonging without permission. I am tired of stressing that it is not so bloody difficult to pick the phone and call me should you need to use my things when I am not around. I am tired. I am tired , Awin. So tired of your bloody nonsense and the fact that you are bloody spoilt. Just stop whatever you are doing. Just stop.

Im going to go and see the doctor now, cause i feel like a complete shit. Goodbye.

2010-05-27T12:55:00.002+08:00

I have been staring at this space for the past half an hour and I really have nothing to say.. Public sale has started, it will be hell. I hope my pay is in since 28th falls on a public holiday so by right it should be in already right? And if it's in, good for me.

2010-05-24T01:35:00.003+08:00

Do you believe in retribution? I sort of believe that every time you do a bad thing, u'll get a bad thing in return. I found something the other day and i did not return it. And 1 week later, there's so many things that's happening i feel like what i picked up, wasn't even worth it. An alteration got messed up even though i wrote specifically what was to be done. A belt has to be fedexed to Belgium with an address i don't even understand.

Last night, my younger sister called me fat and she said she would be embarrassed to step out with shorts if she were me. I wanted to kill her but then again, this girl has been known for talking without looking at herself in the mirror first. She calls Kakak dark when she isn't even fair to begin with. Silly girl.

Sometimes, it is crazy why people put up with each other. Really. I don't care if every thing is picture perfect or not any more, cause these days, what i really care about is if what we do makes us a happier person. If it doesn't, it is not really worth it, right? Cause sometimes, when you make certain decisions, you have to stick by them, especially when there are so many things at stake, so many feelings that's going to get hurt. Sometimes, i wish that you would see this story from the outside and see what really is falling apart is the people that gets dragged into a mess they did not even create. It is ridiculous.

On another note, the family who lives exactly below us is probably psychotic. Many years ago, when we just shifted in, we had dial up internet you know, and the wire is from the master bedroom all the way to Kakaks current room so we it had to pass our balcony window, what my dad went through to make it happen is eenviable really, so one day, we realised that we couldn't dial up anymore and apparently, the family below has cut the wire cause it hang into their balcony window. Seriously dude, you could have told us. We didn't know. I still hold a grudge. Anyway, the makcik saw my mum this afternoon and asked if my sister and i always comes back late as in in the wee hours of the morning and my mum told we don't and she said cause she always hear people jumping rolling marbles and things like that. And when my mum says that Awin is her youngest daughter, she looks at Awin weirdly..Seriously women, we are not 6. We have brains to think and i believe you do too, so please use it before it's too late.

Irritated by all the bull that's happening. ARRRHGGGGHHHH

2010-05-21T22:57:00.001+08:00

i need break. now, more than ever.

2010-05-20T23:50:00.002+08:00

It is terribly frustrating when you feel like you have made the wrong decision. Like you failed to make the best of a situation. Like you are not good enough. Every single time that i came so close to walking away, i'd hopelessly run back and vowing that it would never happen again but then it did. And i'd think the same thoughts i did and do the same things i do, and cry the same tears but the pain deeper each time. i understand and i appreciate the compromises and the sacrifices any one have done for me and i do realise it each time any one does something nice for me. but sometimes, people get too caught up in their own contribution that they forget about what they are getting too.A relationship is similar to a garden actually. Plants can't only survive with water, they need attention, sunlight and what nots. A relationship too, can't stand with love alone. If you don't shower it with care, understanding and what nots, it might die too.Every thing is just slowly becoming a blurry picture. It is not clear and i am unsure. there's a lot of things at stake. i want and i am still holding to every thing i once believed in, every thing i fought for, everything i dreamed of. but it is all on a pedestal, just waiting, just hanging, waiting for the final straw that will break the camels back. like a rubber band, stretched beyond its own limit, and there we are waiting, just waiting for it to snap. like hanging on to a loose thread when we know it's just a matter of time. point is, i am just not happy any more but i will stay until i can stay no more.

2010-05-18T23:06:00.002+08:00

Sale period is starting. Time flies so damn fast don't you think? May is already coming to an end. Then June. When June comes, we only have 2 months more to ramadhan. and one month after that to my birthday. i will be turning 19. i am hoping for hafiz to do something nice for it. HAHAH but, i might want to just throw a party myself. but 19 is not really significant is it? maybe i should wait until im 20 or 21. haiya. september would be quite tough to take off days also. what's with raya requests. haiya. bingit.
i need to go to the beach to lie down and read a book and bask in the sunshine you know. and like, simply relax. i want to sleep while my the sun work a tan for me. i know go all the way to the beach to sleep. haha it's relaxing. it's been so longggg.
and crab, i miss you. it's been so long since i taste you in my mouth. grrrr.

2010-05-18T00:44:00.002+08:00

When i recall the days I spent not talking to you, ignoring you and staying away from you, i wince. All those times could have been spent creating fonder memories, laughing about more things and argue about things we argued before.

you might be going away on Friday, for a long time, and we might ot even have time to catch up before then and all i want right now is time. Time to meet and talk and laugh and just to spent my time idly with you knowing you are right there for me.

People come and people go. not many will stay but u did. I will see you soon. I will miss you. Have a safe journey and i hope you come back as safely as u will go. Have fun Fique!

2010-05-15T22:43:00.002+08:00

I have so many things to say. But i don't know how to say them all. Im sleeping alone in Kakaks room tonight. Hafiz is out with his friends. I will be okay . My dad is just in the living room sleeping. I will be okay.

2010-05-14T21:14:00.002+08:00

I have always been a brave girl. Always. And although my house have been pretty much spooky, i have never faced anything extraordinary. But i am alone now. Crying and extremely terrified. This is the last time i stay home alone. I promise.

2010-05-14T01:47:00.002+08:00

Tell me, what if my choices were all wrong? Tell me, what if it's been a mistake after all? Tell me, what do i do then? Tell me. Tell me, please. Cause I really am not sure any more. Everything is really draining me out. I have said this far too many times, really. I wish you will see that every thing is killing me. I am seriously losing it.

Maybe someday you will realise that this world does not revolve around you. Maybe someday you will see that all this time, all i needed was you.

Am feeling very melancholy tonight. :/

2010-05-12T23:58:00.002+08:00

When I say i was tired yesterday, it wasn't because i don't have enough rest or things like that. i am just really emotionally drained. I don't like heading out to work knowing that my friends are still working towards their diploma. I feel like, I have been pushed into an audlt role by working and saving and worrying about money not being enough till the rest of the month and stuffs like that. Although I make things work every time, I don't like having to do it. I feel extremely pressurised. The longer I stay out of school, the more people feel that this is it, this is my career but it isn't. I have bigger dreams, bigger wants in life. Maybe a lot of things are getting to me. I feel terribly drained out. God, help me pleasee.

2010-05-12T00:28:00.000+08:00

Im tired. I need a break.

2010-05-09T23:06:00.002+08:00

I don't believe in confrontations. I believe in the silent treatment. No matter how slow a process that is, I believe in it. I don't believe in shoving somebody, pointing a finger into somebodys face, or jabbing someones chest and have a yelling tournament. I just don't see a need to do all that, neither do i believe in talking it out. It just never work out that way, does it? When some body do something wrong to me, like stab me in the back, or who fail to have the guts to say things to my face yet have no qualms about saying things about me to every one else, I just stab back, shut them out and move on. You don't need people who don't have the balls to be upfront to you in your life. I just don't need or want negativity in my life. Since I was a kid, I have always known what I want and i don't stop until i get them. I have always been sure of myself and i never doubted my credibility. So there, there is one thing about me that you now know.

Fun Fact #2: Strong pungent smells make my tummy hurt and I will wanna shit.
Fun Fact #3: I don't respect you just because you are older, i respect you because you do things that earn my respect for you.
Fun Fact #4: I don't believe in doing things for you just because you are whoever to me by name but u don't do your duty, i wont do anything for you too.

Just very bored now. Will watch my gg, glee and date night from lily and just because i've learned to download and convert videos for my itouch thanks to farhan. (: And maybe, indulge in the Hell's Kitchen game that i've just purchased for lily. My dad will call me a stupid girl again end month. But i know he does it fondly,not angrily.(:

2010-05-09T22:02:00.002+08:00

Your ability to think that you are the greatest is enviable yet it means nothing to me.(:

2010-05-09T14:54:00.002+08:00

It is when you have finally let go of all the poison in your body that will you feel genuinely happy in all that you are doing. The moment I let go, and picked up the pieces with whatever strength i have, i feel, content. Complete somehow. I respect what I did and I will never regret my decision. Even if you try your hardest to change my choice, you can't. I will always be on top of you. Have a nice day.

2010-05-05T19:11:00.002+08:00

When I look at you then, I remember all the things that I did with you that made me laugh and cry. I want to keep you in my memory as the person I had loads of fun with, but how can I, when each time I look at you now, I don't even know you anymore. Each time I glance your way, I feel miserable, not because I am not part of anything, but because of who you've become.

I want to shake you hard, and get you to wake up to let you know what you are doing is all wrong, I want to tell you to grow up and listen to yourself, but i won't. Because only you can help yourself. Nobody who does not want to be helped can be help.I wish i can tell you that we are not kids anymore and that you've got to learn to handle your own battles. We are no longer in high school where wrong can eventually be right again. In the real world, wrong is wrong and right is right.

So i have made my decision, i am not sure if it is the correct one or not, but what i do know is that, right now, it feels perfectly fine to me. Goodbye.

2010-05-05T14:56:00.002+08:00

So far, today has been pretty productive. I've cleared the mountain of clothes on my bed and hang and fold them all. I have finally, finally got my laptop restored back. I shall upload all the pictures that has been accumulated in my camera for the past month now and i will painfully resize them and upload them at Facebook and decide which ones i wanna develop.

Oh, by the way, before Whila crashed about 2 weeks ago, Awin used my laptop to write a Malay essay and i am having one hell of a time reading it. It's hilarious and i will share it with Kakak and then together we will pester her to read more books. It's about time.

And until then, i'll be back!(:

2010-05-02T11:06:00.003+08:00

Some news are getting old. Some acts are becoming todays trash. I wish you can find something I haven't heard to tell me about.(:

2010-04-29T22:51:00.003+08:00

Still the very best thing that came out of RP.

2010-04-28T23:36:00.002+08:00

(sorry my picture is too big. it's direct from pb!)

You know, i beginning to over commit into work, and i kind of hate myself for it. Today, i covered my colleagues shift and back to back off days are the greatest but i gave it up. Remember Batam? Hafiz decided that we should go ahead on our own and Kakak was beginning to open to the idea and all, and i had even planned on what to wear and i even went to the extent of fantasizing of the seafood i would have, the massage i would go to, the numerous item i would buy, but guess what? I guess, i am just not meant to go. Our sales will start around that weekend and i cannot take my leave. And because 2 people is leaving, i will be considered an old timer there, so i have to be around also, to help out the newbies. That sucks a lot.

I don't think I have been getting enough rest as of late and my headaches are attacking me more frequently than ever. Gosh, its been so long since I blogged about headaches. HAHAH Nevertheless, I will ensure that my off days be spent fruitfully.

Anyone wanna make plans?

2010-04-25T23:20:00.002+08:00

You know what I think bring people closer to each other than never before? Death. You don't see people trying to be civilised at a wedding, or special occassions cause sometimes, you try to compromise the situation, in a way that make people who don't get along sit far away from each other but when some one passes, you put aside all your differences and you talk about the memories each have shared with the deceased.

It is an irony really, cause death isn't something joyous or something celebratory but yet, it brings people of all ages come together and share a common trait. When some one passes, you find yourself thinking about all the good things. Some how, whatever bad blood that you had before, conscious or not, it just fail to exist. And after all the memories begin to run out, you find yourself regretting for all the time that you could have spent together but didn't. You question yourself as to how you could have missed the sign.

But before you get to all of that, it is the news. It can be as simple as "Mami is gone," that stops every thing else around you. And once the shock has settled and dispersed into your body you begin to repeat the words, taste them in your mouth and all of it seems unreal, yet it is unforgivingly true and once your own brain gets over the initial bout of shock, it commands your eyes to cry. And when you come to that stage, your tears will flow and there is no stopping them.You repeat the news over and over again, faster and faster each time and all you feel like doing is crumpling into a corner and be left alone.

It is the same for everybody, strong and weak alike.As i received the news of the death of an old schoolmate, i was slightly off. I didn't have enough memory of him, but I knew he was such a nice guy, and i can only imagine what family and close friends would be feeling. Rest in peace Ismail. My deepest condolences to his family and friends.

2010-04-24T00:04:00.002+08:00

I want to go to Batam for a day and just be a millionaire down there. Have a massage and you know relax. But obviously Batam is quite dangerous, so I don't wanna go there alone and Kakak is torn between going with me and her friend. Thanks kak, after all these years......... hahah

well, my plans will have to change then.Who knows, i will just book a pit and relax that way. Who knows. First, must get opinion and do research. Am putting the skills Ms Zarina hand down to me to good use. Will do my planning step by step.

Ems, give me ideas. Constructive, reliable and nothing to do wit Chanel ideas please.

2010-04-22T21:57:00.003+08:00

As always, a random catching up session would be initiated by somebody but will end up being my responsibility to make it happen.Initially, i was having a little qualms about meeting Fique, cause fique has sort of been missing for a while and all his status updates don't sound like at all. Syafiq talks about the prophet and all and it is an extremely good thing but coming from him, it was a little weird. And the boy replies my smses in english. like what am i? A new friend? HAHA But i was proven right that Syafiq will be Syafiq. Although I have to say, he is a little more toned down now. Good job Fique, a man you are turning into.

I remembered in secondary 5 when they were studying hard and I simply wasn't interested and they nagged and sort became a little tired to push me and i tried to stay away. We talked and laughed and giggled and teased and it felt like recess time all over again. Or those times in class where we try to bring the other down. I have to say, Fique and Fahmi are catching up and they are beginning to throw remarks that suprise me. Good job good job. You have learned from the best.

This month is coming to an end. The year will fly pretty quickly and it will mean I have wasted quite some time. I have to do a lot of research and figure out what i am going to do. I got to talk to some people real soon. but for now, i need to turn in cause i have work tomorrow.

2010-04-19T22:18:00.002+08:00

The only thing i rant about these days in the open is about how tired i am or about how pissed i am and things like that, huh? Having blogged for many years now, i have come to realise that not all things need to be told and not all things need to be relived. The new school term has started for all of you and i feel like i am missing out but it won't be long before i start again.

**********************

Achik Spin passed on the other day, as most of you would have heard by now and i cannot say how deeply saddened i am by the news. You know when Michael Jackson passed away, it was nothing to me albeit I knew the greatest king of pop is no longer around but i cannot say i know the lyrics to all of his songs, or that i literally watched him while i grew up, or that i am a huge fan of his, or that I liked him a lot and as a kid, i wished he is somewhat related to me but i can say it about Achik Spin. Cause i have his karaoke albums and Kakak and i used to duet all the time before and although this fan thing has sort of faded overtime, i still think that his death is a tragedy. Whatever it is, rest in peace. My thoughts are with his family.

2010-04-17T00:51:00.002+08:00

(my hair looks like a squirrels tail)

I have been thinking a lot lately. About the year I had and all that I have been through to come where I am now and I don't know any more you know. It's coming close to a year since I quit Republic and I have saved a few thousands up to date, but after i am done with private dip, and then what? It's the same question i asked myself while i was still a republican, after i go through with a course i do not like, and then what? It was easier to dream and fantasize about things when you know nuts about all that can happen. Working has somehow gave me a sneak peek to how things will be. I have to really start thinking about my next step. I know what I wanna be, my ambition never change but if I don't get in, what then...

Maybe i should just take one step at a time.

2010-04-15T00:03:00.003+08:00

The other day, there was some repair works that had to be done at the boutique, so we had to shift the mannequins, and some of the props to the back of the shop.Like I have mentioned many times before, my camera is always around at work and because we have it in hand and all of that, we took the opportunity to camwhore. HAHA. We were laughing non-stop but we only did it when there are no customers, work is still work.
This was THE best photo of the night. The place we were standing on, had mannequins before we shifted it. It was snappy but a good photo.
HAHAH, the mannequins looks like an advertorial.

I have always judged sales girls to be snobby and all that, but so far,my experience with KS and DVF, changes my impression.They are so crazy and spontaneous that I am laughing most of the time. Sometimes, i do feel that my young blood helped to make the place more enjoyable. HAHA

That headband and that shoe are runway pieces. HAHAH

This was very feeling and my colleagues were saying that thiskind of pose is only for people with long skinny legs but i did not carecause they are such a buzzkill. hahah

and yes, that's me, always taking a chance to sit and lie down.

Goodnight!

2010-04-14T00:42:00.002+08:00

Its ridiculousness is fast reaching its peak. You either do what you say you would or don't say anything at all. People are weird and that's an understatement. Just so you know boy, whatever you say, you should say it to yourself. Goodnight!

2010-04-12T22:39:00.002+08:00

Sometimes, in our pursuit to protect the ones we love, we fail to see the truth and we work our way around what we believe is the truth. We move mountains for these people, we put our lives in the open for these people, but we forget to let ourselves know that what we fight for, it might not even be the truth to begin with.

2010-04-11T23:17:00.002+08:00

Just one picture first, to show you thati had an exceptionally fantastic weekend even if my kebaya was a tad too big for me or that the weather was freaking hot. I had fun at the end of the day. Good for me and every one else who did too. And just too bad for every one else who didn't. Good night!

2010-04-09T02:34:00.002+08:00

I met up with Elle the other day after work. It was so random. We window shopped,really and we conclude that Elle's follower on Twitter is a phony. conclude that, but so what, it's true. Right Elle?

Anyway, i am beginning to fall back on my routines and it's etting me off. I don't wake up as easily anymore. Getting a little complacent I feel. I need to go on a break. And May seems like a very good month to go. Even for a day's getaway or something or whatever, I need to rejuvenate. The easiest one is definitely Batam.

I asked my dad the other day, if it happens that I want to go on a holiday with a group of friends this December, would he allow it. And he diverts his attention to Awin, and that is consideration, from where I see it. He did mention that if its day thing, he doesn't mind. One step at a time. I have to make it happen and I will. When I set my mind to something, i get it done. But it never works when i am trying to study. HAHAH

Goodnight now.

2010-04-06T23:31:00.004+08:00

There is a reason why people come and go from your life. Some times, things are just never meant to be. The history behind a failed relationship then got passed from one mouth to the other just like bees sucking nectar from flower to flower. Along the way though, the quality of the nectar changes, just like things get altered, exaggerated and possibly even changed. There are 2 sides every story.Some times, you cut people out of your life, because it becomes tiring to have the same things happen over and over again. It's like putting salt on an open wound. It never ends.

You might know people for a long long time, but do they really know you at all? Friends don't stop friends from befriending others. Friends don't hide behind a computer to settle issues. Friends don't say they have no time to even text you. Friends dont force you to do things you don't want to do. Friends don't judge you. Friends are suppose to come up straight to you and tell you what's been going on. Friends don't spill your beans to others, even their family members. Because secrets between friends are supposed to be kept between friends.

Hatred only comes from guilt. From the guilt of doing something wrong or not doing anything at all, which sometimes can be a lot worst which then led to paranoia. When you are paranoid, you take every thing some else as do as form of attack against you so you feel an urgent need to share your story and make every one take sides. But there is no sides and there is no prize. I don't want to win. I don't want to have the last say, I just want my peace.

It kills me as much as it kills you to see things go this way. But I am done. I don't want to reconcile and I don't want things to go back the way it was any more. Because you can never mend a broken glass. You can put them back together but the lines that define the crack will always be a definite reminder. It will take a much bigger person than I am to see pass that crack and may be someday I will, but right now I am happy the way I am, and because you claim to be a better friend that I ever was, you should be happy for me.

2010-04-06T22:36:00.003+08:00

I met up with this irritating girl yesterday.My very useless bestfriend. So much for the lunch date and so much for the movie. Left me pining for more. We didn't take enough photos, in fact we didn't take much at all. We were just very focused in buying things. I guess, we were'nt splurging right Ems? She was getting her school stuffs while I was making investments. I enjoyed myself. I hope to see her soon with mardhiyah.

2010-04-05T01:56:00.005+08:00

Saturday, I was supposed to have a family meeting. But I bailed. I didn't turn up although every one else did. What happened is very personal and some of you might have guessed by now but i don't want to lay it out cause i really cannot see the clarity of all this. Haiya. It's not my secret to share with every body.

Anyway, i met up with Elle and Amat and of course my boyfriend to watch a movie. They wanted to watch how to train your dragon in 3D, but because the timing clashes with my work, we couldn't. I feel sort of bad that it was because of me they can't catch it in 3d that i even agreed to watch clash of the titans. Is it good though? You tell me.

In the end, after much deliberation until the very last minute, we caught how to train your dragon without the 3D. ((: It is a very good movie! Serious, it was cute and funny.
Elle face so stupid. so funny.
It only looks like he is bullying me, but it is always the other way round.

I need to do something to my hair. Even Elle says my hair looks dry. Actually, it's because i didn't put any cream on it that morning cause wearing the helmet ruin my curls anyway. But i noticed that since the i-am -so-stupid- i-bleached-my-hair-incident, my hair texture is not the same any more. hate itttt.

See, elles hair. i want.

Mentel.

Oklar, im very tired already and GG is still a bitch. Sorry ah, i didn't realise i got disconnected what, why u refuse to load. idiot ah u. tomorrow i am meeting this idiot who will definitely bug me but i am oddly excited. ems, see you!

2010-04-04T23:33:00.002+08:00

Dear Mami, he belongs to some one else already. Im crushed because it happened without us knowing it beforehand. I feel that we should have been told first before he did it. I now have a 10 year old uncle i haven't even met and a 40 year old woman as a supposed grandmother. But Mami, you should know that you can never be replaced.

Love,
Shafiqah

2010-04-02T23:52:00.003+08:00

I dont know how to put what i am feeling into words.

2010-03-31T13:33:00.006+08:00

I don't know if you know but Kakak is currently working at Food from The Hear, just for the time being, until after Passionball I think. On that day, coincidentally, I was supposed to go back together with her cause I was on the morning shift but they called and somehow the plan to go home was altered and we headed to Lau Pa Sat instead. Kakak, Kak Ain, Hafiz H(my soon to be cousin in law!), Shakir and Mat Nor and Cammy who are Kak Ain's friends la.

This is me obviously not doing work again.

See, the one beside me, she's using the com. For what ah. hahah
This Yun ah, every thing I say also funny.I like working with her best at DVF, no pressure no nothing. We talk crap and i lend her books but even before she starts reading i will tell her the ending and frustrate her. Just like when she was reading the Twilight series and subsequently, Twenties Girl, Remember Me and Dear John. I gave her The Pact by Jodi Picoult to read, but she says the storyline is a little complicating hence, it's not something she can read on her way to work. From then on, I keep teasing her. I call her simple minded girl. HAHAH

Anyway, back to LPS. I had prata. AM really craving for something soupy, like ban mian, or fish soup or something ah. hmm. We had satay and things like that la. It was supposed to be a short meet up as in, eat talk and go. I was really tired and I wanted to upload pictures and you know
have my rest, but again, plans changed as the topic of conversation changes and aimed at me. Instead of leaving by 930 like i planned, we left at around midnight and had to cabbed home. Don't anybody know that my ATM card is with Hafiz in an attempt to curb my expenses.
Beauty Shot.
Beauty shot.

you noticed that we are in green, red and yellow right? My theory is people look at the one in green and just walk off, you know, zoom straight pass. The one in yellow, maype peple will give a passing glance. While the one in Red, of course, people stop and stare. For the wrong reasons or not, whocares right. hahah

I was nearrrrly late for work the next day. Nearly.
My current obsession.

And yes, me not doing my work again. There wasn't any work to be done actually. HAHA. But stock is coming today, and my poor Yun and Nicole is at work probably preparing for it. When i come in tomorrow, it will definitely be pack fold pack fold tie labelling and fold and tie and fold.

I am in a serious need of a break. Really.

2010-03-31T01:21:00.009+08:00

You know, I told myself that I would like to update more often with recent pictures so old friends who still frequent this humble abode of mine will know how i am coping and dealing with things and also, to let them know that i am still pretty much the same old me. I'd like to say that I have changed and all that, but truth is, i am not all that different from the narcissitic girl you all have known for quite some time now. I still jump at every opportunity to be photographed and i do not mind taking my own photos all the time, of course i have to look good la.

I told you before right that my camera is used for all kind of things in the shop. The display, defects and things like that. So when there's nothing to do and no one around, i let myself indulge in a little vanity. hahahah

By now i think u'll realise that I really have nothing better to do. I even chat with Elle.

I edit this picture to this colour with one of the functions in my camera.

After work on one particular weekend, I met my boyfriend. I was really tired and sleepy and slightly cranky but what choice did i have? Gave in to my exhustion and not see my boyfriend for 5 days?

I urged Hafiz to use the beauty shot mode in my camera cause it whitens and cleans the face. HAHAH.

I don't know why my nails turned to this colour lor. I was a little freaked out cause we sat under a tree you know. Feeling la. Then takot sendiri.
Don't mne my chipped nail polish la, i just simply cannot be bothered to remove it before hand. ahah
AT this point, hafiz was the one fiddling witht he camera and he told to make the ugly faces and at first glance he thought i didn't do anything ugly.Little did he know... When he saw the picture, he was bursting with laughter and even wanted to learn how to do it. Idiot.
So we got this.

Before I end off this entry, let me just show you one more shot of myself. Maybe tomorrow, i will update pictures from the other day's super unplanned trip to Lau Pa Sat with Kak Ain and her friends.
K goodnight!

2010-03-27T00:02:00.004+08:00

The photos below are taken my camera, no edit. Except the size of the pictures. I think the quality is quite good. See for yourself yes, do tag and let me know!

2010-03-26T23:56:00.002+08:00

Hello, say hello to my latest addition of gadgets. I know, am my dad is quite bummed with me too, for my incessant usage of money on gadgets i will probably lose interetst in eventually. For example, the instant camera, the itouch and now this. He made me promise not to spend anymore money on electronics Alright, dad. No more. I shall stop at this camera and I wont get any more gadgets. Stay with me. Will update you the pictures in a few minutes yes?(:

2010-03-24T23:45:00.002+08:00

I don't hate people often. I can really really dislike you but when i hate you there is no chance in the world that i can ever like you again. I think you've messed with the wrong person and i think im done pretending to you that i can be around you or work with you even. But i can't anymore and I won't pretend anymore. You cross me once and you wait. You just wait.

*************

I found my wallet. It's impossible it was found where it was found. Pay is in on Friday, and I will buy a new camera then. Bear with me cause webcam cannot be used to tke self shots but can be used to webcam through msn. weird weird.

2010-03-22T22:57:00.002+08:00

Dear Wallet, I am officially deprived of you now. You know, it's not about how much you cost, or the fact that my identity card or atm card is inside, its the fact that I bought you with my first pay and that you are a constant reminder of the person I have become since I started work. The same goes to the rest of the things I bought for myself each month. It's the fruit of my labour. So wherever you are, i hope you come back to me filled with all the pictures. And although Hafiz say it's because i put u under my armpit, my armpit don't smell for u to detest me that much right? Must be Hafizs armpit. Whatever the case, I miss you and the meaning behind your purchase already.

My tears are all dried up now. Goodnight.

2010-03-21T22:31:00.002+08:00

To you, I am sorry. I know it's too late for any of these to be brought up again. But i never knew, else I wouldn't have ever returned. I am sorry. I am sure it hurt you cause it would have hurt me too. I heard you are doing good now, and i am happy for you. I believe in my relationship and even if it didn't happen then, it would eventually. I am sorry for causing you hurt that I never thought possible. I know it's not enough but it's all I can say.

2010-03-21T22:11:00.002+08:00

Gosh. I have been pushed beyond my limits by work the past few days. I was exhausted and I made sure my colleagues know that I am tired. On Wednesday, my morning shift became Full shift and on Thursday, after the event we had to stay and clear up the mess, my afternoon shift became overtime work, and on Friday, my allocated full shift.And Saturday, I still have afternoon shift to turn up for. I was exhausted, and I had throbbing headaches which panadol did not cure.
And for my off day today, I met Hafiz early in the morning to spend time.

He will be posted out in May and that is great news. More news is, I will purchase my camera next Friday. This coming Friday, in 5 days. Very excited. (:

2010-03-16T22:33:00.002+08:00

While watching Dad made my ham sandwich,he told he told my grandad (his dad) about what i said regarding what i'll do when i turn 24 and my grandad just laugh. And my dad says, if you want to get married, when you are 24, i think u can, cause i see you very kedukut. Can save money.

I tell you, i laugh my ass out okay. First, I did say I want to get married, when im 25, not 24. And i did tell Kakak, that if she dont want to get married, then too bad, but i am. HAHA. And i am very kedukut. Not close to scrooge though but i just don't believe in wasting my money on people who weren't there with you through tough times or just you know, don't deserve it. im like that one lor. i respect u if u deserve to be respected, i will be a good friend if u are one.

i never use to believe that money is the root to all evil. Sure, now u can live on bread and picnics when you are broke, but 10 years down the road, with 3 kids in tow, are u gonna feed ur kids rice wth kicap? no right. like it or not, money is sort of a necessity.and although i don't spend my money as wisely as i'd like, i only waste it on people deserving of it.

AHAH. random entry.

2010-03-16T00:24:00.002+08:00

Hmm. What do I say to you. I told you I am done with you and if you want things to get better, you don't reach me through the way you did. It was cheap and insincere.Enough already ok. You can go ahead and be pathetic to every one around you but really, i don't care. You know how I am like. When I hate, I hate all the way. SO leave me alone.

2010-03-11T20:30:00.002+08:00

My laptop is gonna die soon and im going to ply with Lily until it is time to sleep. Grr.

Maybe i will come back later. OH WAIT. i cna actually play from Lily. What was i thinking. hahah

I am meeting Hafiz tomorrow. We keep fighting these days and i feel bad for all the things I purposefully say while we are at it.

Further bad news is, i am working for all 3 days that he is out. ): There is always next time right Hafiz.

Ever worst news is, we just finish clearing up the stocks that came in like a week ago recently. And from i heard yesterday, stocks will come in again today. And it sucks, cause when i come in tomorrow and the few days after that, i'll be exhausted from folding them. Grr. But i enjoy them actually. Cause without these things to do, i will be bored t tears. Serious, it was so boring that one time, i slept while standing. And talking to my colleagues half awake. HAHA

Well, and the display is gonna change again, but that's not a problem for me cause I know my stocks better now. Much much better.

next month, one of my cousins is getting married. am taking a day of unpid leave because since i am a temporary staff, i do not have leaves to clear and all that so its fine with me. as long as i get to go to the wedding and meet my boyfriend on one of the days. bye now.

2010-03-09T21:54:00.002+08:00

These days, i feel soo sleepy. Especially when I cannot take it, i can literally sleep anywhere. standing in th train. with my back rested on the divider of course.

ala, so penat.

2010-03-08T22:44:00.002+08:00

Hafiz this is for you.
1. House Rules - Jodi Picoult
2. The Last Song - Nicholas Sparks
3. All because of you - Melissa Hill
4.Wishful thinking - Melissa Hill

I want them accordingly. Surprise me. And if i end up getting them myself, i promise you i will kick your ass.

ok goodnight everybody!

2010-03-08T22:07:00.002+08:00

It was 6pm and my shift would end at 630. I was soooo sleepy and was tsanding at the counter just looking at people walking in to the shop with my eyes half closed. And when i saw Fazura, my eyes snapped to attention and I was just fresh and keep exclaiming i was going to faint. Friendly and beautiful. I was start struck believe me or not. Be jealous. hehe

**************

I tried and I couldn't. There is no life without you and colours immediately become bland. I know it is terribly silly to think of it that way cause the impossible is bearable when u have no choice. But i do have a choice. And my choice the same one i made about close to 2 years ago, it stays the same. I love you, and the rest is history.

2010-03-07T22:01:00.004+08:00

As terrible the argument was today, i guess, it went fine. Although i look leukemic somehow.

Today, I doubt myself. I doubt every thing I have been sure of. As much as I want to hold your face, running my thumb along the curve of your jaw and inhaling your smell as you embrace me in a hug, I find myself replaying all the times we've spent laughing, crying and jumping for joy and i wonder what happened to all those times when we were so sure of ourselves. I need to figure this out. It gets hard to differentiate between what's real and what's not anymore cause I can't tell the difference if this is out of love or out of sheer familiarity. BUt what i do know, is that i care about you and i still know that no matter what happens, you will always have a space in my heart.

2010-03-07T03:01:00.002+08:00

Life has a very funny way to make things work in the end you know. Like when one door slams in your face another one opens, whatever you get from that door, it just gives you hope that things will get better somehow, some way.

I would never have thought that Elle and i will be such good friends in this life you know. We both appear to want different things, like different things, like total personality crash. But what do you know, we are more alike than we really think. There's more similarities than differences and she is such good friend that I berate myself for all the bad things I ever thought she is. Silly silly me.

I admire her patience and strength to put up with whatever that is placed on her plate because I doubt that I would do the same if i were her. I only have nice things to say about this short girl. And i can go on forever, even though i have only known her for a short while.

So Elle, thanks for all the time you've wasted entertaining me. I know im worth the time and I know that im such a joy ride. hahahahhaha.

Goodnight. Lets turn in now elle. we both got dates tml rememberrrrrr.

2010-03-07T02:10:00.004+08:00

The other day, my colleagues and I went to hard Rock Cafe. We wanted to watch Kumar Night. The last time we all went out, I was a newbie and still relax one corner and do my own thing and shut up most of the time. But actually, im the mastermind now. kononnya, macam chong la. I dragged my sister along. Actually, i don't have to drag her, cause why would u say No when somebody else is paying for your entrance, ur food and the cab fare home? only dumbos do that.

Kumar is damn funny and he was worth every cent of the $16 entrance fee. And even though i have been 18 for like many months now, its my first time entering like u know this kind of thing. and okla, no big deal u know. i really don't like to dance and things like that. so i am not missing out on a lot of things. but when my sister pulled me to the dance floow with the rest of the colleagues, i realise one thing.

I will always scratch my ears, fiddle with my neck, everyt ime when im uncomfortable. i mentioned this ems the other day and she agreed. she's the only friend who was in all my classes for 5 years. and like those times, ms zarina calls me to the front of the class to give me lectures, i will always hold my ears, play with my belt, touch my face. aiyoyo.

here are pictures.

the lady in between maya and me i a mother of 2 k. she look like my friend. all of them are like 20 plus la. including my sister. but i look like their elder sister. hahahkidding la. of course im the cutest what.

That's it. lazy la to upload more. will upload some pics of mards and ema later k. tomorrow im going picnic/cycling with my boyfriend, so give me time k.

2010-03-04T21:30:00.003+08:00

Most of you know that I love books. English books especially. I have been asked a number of times about the time i started reading. Well, let me tell you that in the beginning, it was forced. Maya, Hakim, Shasha and I, we were all forced to read. Maya WAS the avid reader amongst us. I like to play and talk. But my late grandmother and grandfather, only allow books to be bought wherever we go. Only occassionally do we get the thrill of buying toys. Seriously, im not kidding. Toys comes from my dad. From then on, we were the ones begging him to buy books. Shasha, whatever anyone picks for her, Hakim Science or ghost stories, Malay novels for Maya and English novels for me. Boring right? Story of my life.

I buy books from the same authors all the time. And i never touch Nicholas Sparks' or Nora Roberts simply because their names, in itself, is too serious for my liking. I was forced to read ' A walk to remember by Zaima. And I was forced to read Twilight and the whole series by the same person. A few days ago, i picked up Dear John, cause i couldn't find anything else. I decided to give it a shot even though it has war and i don't really like it, i gave it a shot anyway.

And let me tell you this, the book is great. You know how sometimes reviewers say the book is a page turner and all those things but disappoint you when it isn't? This book is a real page turner. And if you don't think the movie is a must watch, the book is definitely a must read.

Yala, this all my life has come to. Work, book, Lily , Hafiz and occasionally friends. Boring? but that's me lor.k bye.

2010-03-02T21:06:00.002+08:00

Hi. I just wanna say I am exhausted. I have been working for the past 3 days, hit Hard Rock Cafe last night for Kumar Night, mad emy sister tag along and I pid for her and was then pulled to the dancefloor by Maya and my DVF colleagues. Annoying people. Think they very sexy. Only 1 girl was damn sexy la. A lot of A.S (syafiqah, u know what is that). Kumar is damn funny and laughed from the moment he opened his mouth until he shuts up. Super hilarious. And then cabbed home at and hit the sack immediately after i washed my face and got make up in my eye. Irritating. Woke up at 10am to meet some bitches who die die have to go to bugis beach road or the likes of it ah. Just because wanna watch My name is Khan. Oky la good movie. The 2 girls keep looking over and putting their face into my face to make sure i wasn't asleep. hahahDeprive me of peeing not a good thing. Then this Jihad girl and I had ice cream, Mardhiyah left, anf Jihad girl and I walk around and talk cock. She always talk nonsense. dala murtad. Then we went to JP, cause she finally had some sense and reward me with a book.

So, i don't wanna upload pictures now cause my eyes can barely open. But i will either play games or read my book. Will complete Dear John first then read my new book. I need to hear Hafizs voice first. I miss him very very very very much.):

so, next time when i free and feel like it, i will upload pictures k.

2010-02-26T01:01:00.002+08:00

A new chick on the block, Lily.
Who's that?
It's my 2 day old itouch.
My latest baby.

2010-02-22T03:03:00.002+08:00

Second chances are not always easy to come by. When i was presented with another opportunity to be friends with my favourite little kiddo, i took it. (Actually, she find me to go camp with her. I did cause I was a loner but i was hesitating ah. ) Everything turned out really well. People say when you leave a certain clan/school/environment, you will only take with you the memories and the rest remains. But when I left RP, i left knowing that Syafiqah will always be my friend no matter where i am. We all know the famous saying that people come and go, but i know that Syaf is here to stay, to stick to me like glue through the rain and sun.

I don't see Syaf often neither do i talk to her on my free time so it's utter bullshit if people say when new friends are made, you forget the ones who were there before. I made quite a number of new friends after RP, and each time I meet up with Syafiqah, it felt just like a year ago, we just pick up where we left and go fill each other in on whatever that happened since we last met.

Thanks Syaf, for making me wait, waste my $8 on a Large cup of Malibu Dream when we drank only half from our own cups, for brigning suay into my life. But above all that, you know that you are really important to me little kiddo. So please do not only always think of your kind k?hahha

2010-02-22T00:23:00.002+08:00

If i say that Syafiqah brings me misfortune, it's true you know.Today when I was in the lift after a short meet up with her, there's this old mlaay guy listening to a chinese song on speaker. He din't press a button on the lift, so i removed my earpiece and asked,

me:tingkate berape?
him: oh, lima.

i proceeded to attempt to plug in my earpiece again.

him: dari kerja?
me: a'ah.
him: oh. rajin eh awak.
me: huh? ah.
him: nama siape?
me: shafiqah.
him: oh, saya yari.
he then proceeds to shake my hand leh. wtf. so when i wasleaving he said." ok ika, u take care k. nice knowing you."

i am paranoid. so if he alights at the floor above mine, he might be watching my corridoor what and he was fiddling with the plants right outside the lift overlooking my house, and because i am paranoid, my imaginations run wild and who knows he is a molester? burglar? i rushed in and locked the door without opening the lights in my house first leh. the first in my 10 years living here leh.

so syaf, please refrain from bringing me suay. hahahhaha
like, because i chat with you who like to appear offline, my status also appear offline even when im not. crazy.

i love u nonetheless.

2010-02-20T23:04:00.002+08:00

A lot of things are too overwhelming for me to indulge in. So, i will be the bigger person since some people are clearly lacking in that particular department and I will stop. I promise you that you've heard the last of me. I am done with all the things thats been unfairly published, said and done. I am done thinking and wondering when the hell things happened when i did nothing of the sort. You know how sometimes people live in their heads and believe things they want to just because they can and not because it's the truth? Well, it is starting to wear me out and my patience is running thin. I am going to spare myself all the angst and be done with this.But every body out there, reading this or not, you have to knock some sense in your head before it becomes an empty shell or rather emptier than it already is.

I don't know how many times i have stressed this but i am going to do it again. I have very high confidence. I feel confident of myself all the time, even when i feel like shit and even when im not doing the prettiest things, i believe in myself. I feel flattered that you want to say crazy things about me but it makes me angry because none of it is true. But yet, here I am, still miles better than you and nothing you say will affect my life.

This is my avenue for my thoughts. This is my space. I will end here cause I don't believe in being courageous only behind the computer. It takes bigger balls to say it to my face and it takes more to bruise my gigantic ego.

2010-02-19T23:31:00.003+08:00

GUESS WHAT GUESS WHAT GUESS WHAT?

I GOT SO ADDICTED TO KAKAK'S GAMES IN HER ITOUCH, A GIFT FROM FARHAN FOR HER BIRTHDAY, HAFIZ SAID SINCE IT IS MORE AFFORDABLE THAN A CAMERA, I SHOULD GO AND GET IT FIRST.WOOOHOOOOOOOO

AND MY CAMERA? I AM DEFINITELY SELLING IT AWAY. SORRY YELLY, NEW TIMES, NEW THINGS.

I HAVE MY EYES ON CANON POWERSHOT S90 AND SAMSUNG ST550. CANON LOOKS BETTER FROM ITS SPECIFICATIONS AH, BUT SAMSUNG IS SO BLOODY PRETTY AND THE DUAL LCD SCREEN IS VERY USEFUL FOR A VAIN BITCH LIKE ME.

SO WHICH WHICH SHOULD I GET?

When i stop working next year, i will die from lack of pampering. Hafiz says i should save my money for rainy days, but i don't like. Im 18 leh, so many things to buy what. and the good news is, i never forget to save up for school. I have saved up at least a thousand from my last 2 months. and i hope to finish saving up 7k by august. Lets hope i can make it ya ya ya.

so tell me la, which camera.

2010-02-17T21:45:00.002+08:00

I am fucking annoyed with you.

21st 14th

2010-02-15T18:00:00.023+08:00

They say when you love some one you'd do anything for that person. For Hafiz's 21st birthday, as you all might have known, I was throwing him a humble suprise party. I don't quite recall how the idea was triggered but I know I ws talking to Hairul at soccer match of theirs like a few months ago. Probably about 3 months ago. Real planning started a month ago. Plans like what to do, where to go, what to buy and how much money to put aside.

Anyway, i told Hafiz that 13th is just something for the 2 of us to celebrate his birthday cause the next day I will be treating his aunt and all to dinner and whatnots. And i told him I wanna blindflod him to set up whatever i wanna do and i told him to humour me. And he did.

Kakak and Farhan cabbed to Kak Ains place to take the brownie cake and then to Farhans place to collect the food.

Elle and Amat collected the cupcakes and came to West Coast to book the place.
The people whom without, I don't know what i'd do.

Cupcakes is courtesy of Elle's friend. Brownies is courtesy of Kak Ain.

WHile walking, Hafiz held to my hand tightly and scolding me all the time. He said I have no safety because I walk so fast and because I never tell him there are humps and all that.

My sweet boy says when I asked if he was surprised " I suspect like maybe Farhan and Maya is around. I didn't expect my aunt, amat, and friends to be around. I was very surprised, like there might be tears like that but i blink blink blink" Hahah. He said something along that line ah.

His friends who came.

I think this picture is very cute cause Elle and Amat is both looking at me and smiling for no reason. And looka t Elle's hair. I feel like chopping it off.
The birthday boy, with snow spray, cupcakes and coke over him. haha
Note to self: please tuck in your teeth.
HAH. I don't know what happened here.

If you realise, this is the first picture of the day together. Cause he forgot all about me. HAHAH

This is An. Hafiz's yunger brother. A replica of Hafiz albeit a much fairer one. HAHAH

Clockwise: Hafiz, An, Cik Boy(Hafizs Uncle), Hairul, Amat.
The same with Cik Ana, Hafizs aunt.

My new found friend.
Of course,my sister.

My sister, myself, Elle and Wany(an's gf).

If you look closely, Hafizs arms, it looks pretty big and buffed, but do not be fooled. it is just an illusion. hahah

If I am a beauty queen...

Amat forever with his ugly antics. hahah

This at Elle's void deck. AFter we cleared the mess, Elle and Amat followed Hafiz and I to my place to send the things where Hafiz washed up and changed while the 2 of them went back for awhile.

We headed to Yishun Safra to bowl. It was cosmic night or something and the lights is switched off with a disco ball around. SUper distracting.
Elle is glowing. HAHAHHA

See how Elle and I exchanged bf?

HAHAHAH. this was super random!

A million gratitude to Maya and Farhan for helping me snce the beginning, to Elle and Amat, for all the troubles you all went through for me, or rather Hafiz, to An and Wany for cabbing down just so you guys won't be late, to Cik Ana, Cik Boy and Hairul, for buying the drinks and for being very patient and last but not the least, to Hafiz's friends for being there.

And to my boyfriend, I hope you've had a good celebration and I hope you enjoyed yourself.

*********

So on Valentines Day, the 2 of us just stayed in and watched DVDs before preparing to go out in the evening.

We then headed to Orchard intending to catch a movie at Cineleisure after shopping a bit at Orchard Central. The queue was fucking long lor. Wanted to play the egaming or whatever but full also. In the end we ate at BK, talk cock and he sent me to my aunts place.

Oh, i guilt him into buying me a balloon. HAHAHHAHHA

Ah, finally done. Been sooo long since I update a picturesque post.

2010-02-15T17:40:00.002+08:00

Dear Mami,

today we met her. We don't know how to react. We all agreed that it is very selfish if we stop him from having somebody new. But Mami, I feel awkward. I don't know what to say or how to act. It just feels like whatever I strongly belief in right up to this point is just a huge freaking lie. That true love never exists if there can be somebody else at the end of the road. Mami, if ever things get super official, you are still our grandmother. Still our one and only.

Love,
Shafiqah

2010-02-15T00:12:00.002+08:00

Hi! Just making a quick pit stop to let ll of you know that things did turn out well in the end and Hafiz was indeed very surprised! I am in the midst of editing the pictures and all that hang tight yes every body. My weekend was very very well spent. Soon, wait for it.

2010-02-13T13:15:00.002+08:00

the one time i wanted to do something, and the one time i poured all my heart and soul into something, the one time i entrusted every one around me with the outcome of things, things have to go awry.now im really worried. very worried and it is taking every ounce of willpower to refrain myself from going over myself. i feel helpless here.

2010-02-13T00:25:00.002+08:00

Tomorrow. Tomorrow is the day and i am fast regretting my plan. But I hope everything goes well and there will be no glitches although i have a hunch that there will be u know? Sigh Sigh Sigh. See my hair? I cut my fringe, so ugly, i feel like small kid. GRRRRRR.
************
Some people are just fucking cowards.

2010-02-12T01:38:00.002+08:00

I truly hate it when people assume things they shouldn't. I mean come on, if no names was mentioned why do you automatically assume it is you? Guilty much? Stop it okay, if nothing is wrong, don't make things sound as if there IS something wrong. Don't make a mountain out of a molehill. Serioussssss. And then when i msg you and ask, don't ignore me. I hate it also. Don't run away from things ok? Just let me know and we'll talk things out, don't run a mile.

Haiyayayyaya.

2010-02-10T22:47:00.002+08:00

AFter my morning shift today, guess what did i do? I went to Jurong Point, walked around alone leh. I went to get the ret of the party stuffs and its all bought. Wah, i carry also alone leh. Then i wanted to look flats, a girls shoe u know? But if i buy a plain one, might as well i buy at Rubi right? Yalor, i am cheapo like that, cannot is it? So i sat at this shop mmsing picture to Kakak. She took so long to reply. I don't why but video call fail. In the end i went with the one i really like but somehow, its slightly funny lor. But it's okay. Then, I was realllllllllllllyyyyyyy craving for Burger King. But no worries, I didn't go to such extreme. Cannot take it ah, I just cannot eat alone at my territory, if lets say im at the other end of the country, I won't mind cause nobody will see me again or if im work and i know nobody to have lunch with or before i open up and eat in the pantry i dont mind cause its a chop chop thing u know? But at my own territory, no goddamn way. HAHAHA.

Tomorrow, I will be on afternoon shift and then, I will have 4 off days straight. Then work 3 days, and then off, then work 1 day then off for 2 days. February is a really good month. HAHA

**************

To my dearest and most favourite boy in the world wide world, In approximately, 1hr and 3 minutes time you will be turning 21. The big 21 where you are legal to do anything. Have a credit card(though you only have your peanut ns pay), buy a house (though you can't afford), and even watch R21 movies( big deal. can download what right?). I just want you to know that this is your second birthdya with me and it will not be the last. If God permits, all of your future birthdyas will be with me too. Happy birthday my dear dear boy. I love you sky wide, ocean deep. And, i hope you forgive me for all the lies i told to keep the real surprise a surprise.

2010-02-09T02:08:00.002+08:00

my heart is seriously thumping. i am just so scared that everything, every thing will u know, not work out on saturday. and everything will all fail and i will officially be the worst girlfriend ever. but then i tried right so i can't possibly be that bad right? hahahhaha my confidence is still too strong.

but i want him to be really surprised and i hope that thing won't be a bore.

2010-02-08T01:25:00.002+08:00

I just wanna say that my saturday was very well spent. Not really actually.

Cause when it was time to go hoe at 630pm, i wanted to take my wallet, dash to the toilet to pe and withdraw cash but i couldn't find my wallet.Imagine my annoyance and fear when I have kak sumis ic, my ic, my atm, my cash,my cards, my photos though none were naked. i was very afraid. i knew i brought it back. no way i'd forget it. then when i nearly cried and was going to change to retrace my steps, kak sumi laughed into my face. AAHAHHAA. she said " ah, kacau orang lagi kan" they hid it. hahah

then i went to vivo with Hafiz to look for his birthdya present but there was nothing he likes or so he says. we ended up buying bag from guess for his aunt and meeting them at orchid country club. elle was there. and i bowled too cause i wasn't a sport last week due to unforeseeen circumstances and i didn't suck. really. hahhaha

a good good night, right elle?

need 10 bucks from dad cause my wallet is at work. so much for never forgetting it.

so tired, gonna go now.

2010-02-08T00:07:00.002+08:00

Sometimes, when you do something, you forget not every body wants to co-operate. Not every body wants to do what you do. Not every body thinks what you think is best. It's just you and a few strong back bones that keep you going, moving forward nd chucking all the negativity aside. It's either they keep up or move out.

But this thing, isn't even about me. Here's the plan. Hafiz is turning 21 on the 11th. To me the most significant ages are , 16, 18 and 21. I had a disastrous birthdya as some of you might recall, and im not playing the pity card, i just want the people i love to be happy on a day as celebratory as this. He will be in camp and I want to throw him a sort of surprise party on the 13.(he doesn't read my blog, too lazy he says.) Anyway, i planned this a month ago and have rewritten the things that are confirmed many many times that people at work are getting annoyed. HAHA

I didn't even get myself anything this month. I stopped all the temptations and i even think twice about myself a new book. I saw myself borrowing from the library but Hafiz saw that books is too much a companion to me to resist. HUAHUAH.My point is, I put a lot of things at risk here, my money especially. It's nothing to you, but it means the world to me. I am paying for everything and i feel every painful pinch if it all goes down the drain. So, i seek your co-operation and consideration.Don't fuck this up for me man.

At the end of the day, I just want him to be happy and that, money can never buy.

2010-02-06T00:43:00.002+08:00

I don't know why but you disgust me. I said it before and I will say it again, species of the same breed can never be different. You are the same and you all disgust me. I hate to see the sight of you. Oh and by the way, your life isn't great if all you do is turning on your close friend. So goodbye.

2010-02-04T00:27:00.006+08:00

Today I went out with Maya right? Well, it was cool and easy. We went to Little India to get the things I need for the ahem ahem. And I spent lesser than I thought. I treated Kakak to lunch which she still havent thank me for yet. I treated her to earring which she still never thank me for yet. And I let her have 7 films from Cheky. And she still never say thank you. Ungrateful bitch that sister of mine. And i wanted to get her her present today but she don't want. Cause why? Cause she was looking forward to going to Farhans house after. Biadaapp. What is left to buy? Tomorrow I will get them with Kakak at Jurong Point. Im on afternoon shift so will go in the morning. It's less than 2 weeks to this thing and i hope everything will go smoothly and as I planned.

Lets just say that todays outfit right don to the shoe and bag was all bought by one person only. And the one who loans them never say thank you. Ungrateful TSK TSK. (okla, the bag i was using is hers. tu aje. but lain is mine.hahha)

Thosai. I never eat thosai. thought you'd like to know. I always feel that the best indian food is at indian places. SO we honored the place and ate their food. sedap my curry.

no no i feeling feeling only.

We headed to Farhans house, eat watch tv, laugh talk and was sent home by Farhans dad. Not eventful but it was well spent without using much money or even being lavish with things. Cause to some people, things are more important. Cause some people are just not so educated. A bit wrong somewhere.

So goodnightt..

p/s when kakak say breakfast tml, was she planning on me to treat her? and then without thanking me again? hahahah

2010-02-03T13:48:00.001+08:00

Ok. Im all ready to go out now. Maya is having her prac so im meeting her at jurong east. Bye.

Btw, elle, happy anniversary k?(:

2010-02-03T02:00:00.003+08:00

My dad, is one of the most important people in my life. Without a reasonabe doubt, I don't think he is perfect cause at times, i do think he is slightly unreasonable. But most of the time, I think he is the best. The one person beside from Maya who make life at home tolerable when things are bad. I mentioned before, I am a Daddy's girl, I always have been and I always will be. My dad, is the sole breadwinner of the family (im not holding a permanent job so i don't count) and people keep saying to Maya and I, that we are lucky. That even though only 1 parent work, we still get to live comfortably with materials.

Maya, Awin and I want things like cameras, mp3, gadgets and what nots. We want them. We want them all. The thing about my dad is, when you ask for something, he pretends like he doens't hear it, but he remembers. He remembers and then he'll try and get it for us if it is within his means. He will find somebody who work somewhere or he will find the place that sells it at the best price. My dad is like that but what i love about it, is the fact that he tries to give us what we want.

He has a soft heart, my dad. He never hits us and if he did, I remember. I remember bad things more than I do about good ones, i don't know why but i just do. He tries to never lay a hand on us. Twice. He slapped me twice before, because i was rude, it was my fault and it wasn't even hard, but it was because he never hit me that caused all the pain that day. He never raise his voice unless we were too rude which is seldom.

My sisters say that he listens to me a lot. He doesn't, its just that I am irritating and persistent and if i want something, i have to have it. Sometimes, i do think that I am spoilt. I was spoilt until Awin was born. Before that I got everything I wanted. Like if i ask for somehting when i saw it, and they refuse to buy it for me, I'll sulk nd cry and not talk and have an attitude that in the end, they bought it for me. Gosh, I AM spoilt...But im not anymore.period.

I have many fond memories of my dad, maya and I. I am truly grateful that not only because I have a Dad, but because he is a great dad. It's him I will choose and it'shim I will side with all the time. If we ever get to choose our own dad, i will take him.

You know Dad, I like to ask you for money and make you suffer through my nonsense and i know i step on your toes many times, and i know that sometimes, you want to scream at me and ask me to shut the fuck up but u didn't. thank you papa, for making life managable and thank you for all the times in the playground and ice creams,game boy, mp3(which i don't know where), discman(which i eventually throw), my watche(s), perfumes, hps and all the materials you ever bought for me.

All the money in the world can never buy you. Thank you for being my dad.

2010-02-03T01:43:00.002+08:00

So, if you follow me on twitter, you would know that I had a volunteer event on the 28th of January. Yes, I am still a volunteer. I know, I forgot all about it too. Since I started work, i don't volunteer much. Kakak for goodness sake did more than i did. What a shame. It was the first time that i did it alone. Without friends or kakak. Felt weird cause i had to travel alone. I don't like to be self- conscious and then imagine people staring and laughing behind my back. Im just weird la. ANd, you'll also know that i suffer from unbearable blisters. The shoe, the heels, it was a pain, a misery and i promise i will die if i ever set foot into it again.

Because I travel alone, I cannot bear the sitting alone and pasting plasters and all that. I HAD plasters on, its just that the sole rubbed against which in turn unsticking the plaster and hence rubbing against me heel. Terrible pain i tell you. And the worst part? I got lost. I wlked from sity hall to marina square clenching my fists pnching myself just to take the attention away from the pain and I walked until marina oriental to realise i missed the entry to marina mandarin. FUCKKKK.

I did cashier and reception. It was bad. I was slow cause its my first time receptioning u know. Not used to it, but well, move on. I don't know how the art auction went, not so good i presume. I ws just hungry la at that point, i only had a sandwich. Had mcdonalds and cabbed home with kak ain.

the fucking shoe.
i was tller and when i look down on kk ain, i think she looks so small... is that how people look at me nd feel? hahahaha

Im in the mood to blog about my dad cuse i just mkae kakak cry with guilt. hahah I will. give me a minute.

2010-02-02T00:48:00.002+08:00

just so everything is clear between all of us, u cannot have 10 bestfriends okay. You can only have 1. or 2. cause best friends is the people who know you to the very core. understood???

2010-02-01T23:44:00.002+08:00

Whila will die relly really soon and i don't intend to prolong its life cause it will mean me staying up even later. I don't want that.AH fuck it, i just plugged the charger on.Will go after this entry and after i rant about some idiots. They piss me off. I shall not blog about them cause they are not worthy of the space.

So about the whats gonna happen, you know whos, im still so torn. I should go and jump down. I hope i will sort things out soon cause i don't have many off days before this supposed dy to really sort it out quietly. Rush, i gotta rush. Elle, u promised to help. But she have to listen to my rants now.

Oh hafiz, im sorry we couldn't spend much time because i had to work all 3 days u were out and this weekend too. Im sorry but i did the best i could and change my full shift on sat to morning and work full on sun, just for you baby. Just for you. I love you and i cannot wait till i see u next... Or even simply hearing ur voice..

2010-01-28T04:51:00.003+08:00

Some times when I look at some of my friends, I thought about all those days back in school, when it was me who listened to the jokes. When they were my classmates and my jokes to laugh at. When I was in my fifth year, I wanted to just get it done and over with. I wanted it all to end. I wanted every thing a new. I wanted a clean state, to start afresh in a place where nobody knows me so I can start over prepared. But when I got what I wished for, I find myself desperately wishing that I was back there. In my seat in class, but this time awake and vigilant to all that was being handed to me. I want to be there, with all of them and laugh at the most ridiculous things.

Why do we always wish for things thinking that everywhere else but here is better? Why are we never content with what we have? Why must we always want more? And then, when we get to where we want, we try to grab what we can of what we used to have. But that is just that. Memories that can never be the present again.I guess that's humans for you. We err in more ways than one. We dont realise it, but times flashes us by and we will all change. But somewhere, deep inside of us, we will always be the same.

My point is, I miss a lot of people and even though I don't get to meet all of them as often as I would like, I am sure that if we are put in the same room after a long long time, things will never be awkward. They will always be my friends. I don't know if you know, but all through secondary school, I mix with the same girls, the same crowd. Since my first day there, until the end. I get acquainted with a lot of people but not many of them are my friends.

Acquaintances, don't see me cracking jokes or making the ugliest face or saying the stupidest things. Friends do. Some people prided with the fact that they know many people, but i'd rather be friends with lesser people who really knows me and who won't u know get offended by my jokes which are always personal. So you see, it does not matter if i don't have any time for you or you or you. And it does matter if i say I miss you a millionth time but i never made time to see you, casue at the end of the day, all of you are at the back of my head and everyday, i think of all of you wishing and hoping that all of you are in the bestest of health and doing better than fine.

Goodnight.